When we think of safety it often draws us to physical safety. Walking down a dark alley at night in an unknown city, a school or workplace shooting, or being stalked by a stranger are all terrifying. These are all valid concerns and in the state of the world and very plausible.
Another type of safety is emotional safety. The ability to feel accepted and be your true authentic self. Emotional safety is key in healthy relationships and being OK with being vulnerable. Emotional safety builds confidence, self-trust, and the ability to identify and express feelings. Not to be confused, emotional safety doesn't mean we are wrapped in bubble wrap and can't be hurt. It comes down to having the space to openly express ourselves in a safe environment.
In the workplace, setting boundaries and having them respected is a key component of emotional safety. Being able to express your needs and wants are so important. Feeling safe to voice your opinion without the fear of rejection, judgment, or being devalued. The ability to stand by your core values and beliefs and not conforming to other's beliefs is another pillar to emotional safety.
In intimate relationships, whether a spouse, friends, or family, emotional safety is similar to the workplaces. A big difference is the ability to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is frightening and exposes us to be truly seen for who we are and sharing things on our own terms. The foundation of vulnerability is trust, active listening, empathy, and compassion. Standing by your boundaries, able to be authentic, and express needs and wants are all parts of emotional safety
What does unsafe emotional safety look like?
- lack of trust
- boundaries not being set
- fear of judgement
- poor communication
- people pleasing
- lack of empathy
When we don't feel safe in our environments, the effects can be damaging
The physical effects create a surge in stress hormones and the activation of a trauma response of flight, flight, or freeze which can have long lasting health effects. Mentally, the feeling of stress, burnout, and isolation can be exhausting. Not feeling safe in a relationship has damaging effects on the current relationship and future relationships.
Creating a cultivating an emotionally safe environment in your intimate relationships and workplace allows people to thrive, be more confident, and grow.